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As my 30th birthday came and went and I was still very single, I began to think that I would never get married. Although always trying to remain hopeful, I’d all but given up on the prospect of marriage and having a family.  At the time, it just didn’t seem to be in the cards for me. A good friend of mine kept reassuring me that God had a plan for me.  He was making someone really special just for me.  And you know what?  She was so right.

At the age of 31, you can well imagine that I had kissed many a frog, so when I met my husband I proceeded cautiously.  But I was quick to discover that he really was special indeed.  Like no other.  And for that reason, I let my guard down and we began to write our book, or in this case, books, of love.

I actually stole this idea from my sister, so bear with me as I give you the backstory to our books.

When my sister had her daughter, she decided that she and her daughter would keep a journal for her husband and write sentiments to him in the book instead of buying greeting cards. I loved this idea.  And in our brand new romantic relationship, I thought this might work for Chris and me.

I had found, so often in relationships, you forget why you were together in the first place.  You forget what your initial draw was or how you felt about each other when things were new and exciting.  These journals would be documented proof of our feelings.  We could always look back and read how we felt about each other.  I could read how he felt about me, but I could also go back and read how I felt about him.  And likewise for him.

We write to each other in our books for birthdays, anniversaries, etc.; really any time we feel compelled.  (Infact, Chris proposed to me in my book!) We don’t write in the books as often as we’d like, but from time to time, we’ll surprise each other with a new entry.  I’m happy to say, that we are still crazy for each other, with or without the books, but it is so lovely to be able to reminisce and relive beautiful moments and very meaningful letters of love just by picking up our books.  And we still get a thrill when one of us has thought to add an entry.  So, may I suggest… get a blank journal for yourself and one for your S.O. and just see.  Maybe you will find that it is you who wrote the book of love.

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!

Although Nikki and I never officially met, I have known of her for years and years. Her son used to participate in an after school club that I assisted in when he was in second or third grade. He is now a freshman in high school, so it’s been a long time that Nikki has been on my radar. She also happens to be very close friends with my former next door neighbor, Kathy Garcia of Kathy G Designs (Guest – Kathy G Designs published on 11/23/17). Although we have traveled in similar circles all this time, it wasn’t until this interview that I really got a chance to sit down and get to know her.

Nikki owns a fitness business called Full Out Fitness. Her class offerings include Zumba®, Cardio Kickboxing, High-Intensity interval training (HIIT) and Smash-Up which is an alternating combo of dance fitness and kick boxing. Her classes are $5 a class! You can’t even get a coffee for $5 these days! (I should know.) So if you’ve already dropped the ball on your fitness goals for 2018, now’s your chance to pick it back up and get in the game. When asked how she would describe her business Nikki replied, “In a nutshell, is just a bunch of us getting together and sweating… leaving everything at the door.”

Before dance fitness, Nikki was a dance teacher. She explains, “It sort of happened quick. I was graduating from George Mason [University] and I had a dance degree and a graphic design degree. It was the summer of, ‘should I go into the city and try to audition for jobs’.” But instead Nikki and her high school sweetheart decided to get married that summer and start a family. Due to her upcoming special deliver, dance auditions were off the table, but dance instructor was not. From dance instructor, Nikki became a fitness instructor. In the early years of her career and starting a young family, Nikki had a couple of jobs. Her husband worked the 9-5 and she worked the 5-9. She says, “It was like slap (mimics hi-five hand off). Ok, you have the two kids. That was our early life. I would work at night part-time teaching classes; teaching dance.”

Full Out Fitness came from working in the gyms. Nikki was working in all of the large local gyms, driving all over the place, and teaching two to three classes a day. She shares, “You’re working, pretty much anywhere from $25 – $30 /hour. I called it my Target money, [as] it really didn’t contribute to the household.” After five years of this Nikki began to realize that some of her classes had grown up to 180 people in a class! Working out such crazy space demands, Nikki ultimately began utilizing the gym’s basketball court for her popular classes. During this time, she explains, two things happened. She digested the fact that Gym A people couldn’t go to Gym B. Gym B people couldn’t go to Gym C, unless they were willing to pay $20 at the door for a walk-in, on top of the membership fees they were paying at their home gym. One gym let her do a $5 walk in fee for a little bit, but the members started getting upset. She recognized that friends and followers couldn’t travel with her to other classes in other gyms if they wanted to take more classes. She began to do the math. She’s got 180 people her class and yet she was only getting paid $30+/hr. You see where she’s going? She says, “Even if I had a quarter per head, that’s something worth pursuing.” At the same time of this revelation, there became more of a need at home for Nikki to step up, or at least change her game.

Nikki is the proud momma of two GORGEOUS children. Her son Jacob, who we’ve already established is in high school, and then two years after he was born, Nikki gave birth to their daughter, Bella. Within Bella’s first two years, she was diagnosed with autism.  It was at the time of Nikki’s growing pains in her professional life, that Bella’s therapies needed to ramp up. With those therapies came a huge expense that the “Target money” wasn’t going to cover. Nikki was also filling a need in the community. She wanted to create a safe space that anybody could come to for a fitness class that would be affordable.

The seed for Full Out Fitness was planted and the hunt began for a space to sublease to hold her fitness classes. Says Nikki, “When I started it, I wanted some place to sublease so I didn’t have to pay a high overhead. [I wanted to create a place] that people that still belonged to [one of the local gyms], could afford.” She understood that a lot of these people had family members who might be taking lessons at the bigger gyms. She goes on, “They’re already paying $40, $60, $80 at these gyms. Plus I don’t have the luxuries of [the large gyms]. We don’t have any of the amenities of a [large gym]. I’m just a warehouse gym. So, $5 a pop.”

To her detriment, Nikki has been forced to move several times since the opening of Full Out Fitness. It causes her to lose followers each time she has to relocate. But things are settling down in that department and the tides are changing in her favor. Serendipity found it’s way in, as serendipity does and Nikki was availed a fitness space at the very place where her daughter had done therapy. The autism therapy company had moved from Herndon to Sterling and had unused gym space with an adjacent conference room with a window so the children of the folks participating in the fitness class can be in there with the Wi-Fi. Says Nikki, “It’s nice. We’ve become a more intimate group of people.”

Nikki is inspired by music. She says, “Sometimes, I’ve been known to just pop on music and make up a dance.” She jokes, “Did someone record that? Did someone remember that, ‘cause that was a good one.” (LOL.) She adds, “Sometimes a song…I’ll literally be on the way to work, to class, and a song will come on and I’m like, BOOM, we’re going to do it today! [Even though] I have not prepared anything. Even my husband’s like, ‘I don’t understand how you can do that’. Somehow I have the gift to literally make something up on the spot. I can plug it in, and create right then and there.”

If you didn’t already love Nikki based on her super fun, engaging personality and rockstar appearance, just wait to you read about her long-term professional goal. Says Nikki, “It used to be something else a few years ago. It’s used to be moving up in the company of Zumba®, and that changed. That just seemed like an empty road of disappointment.” Nikki has become, to some of her personal training clients as, what she calls a “personal trainer autism whisperer”. She shares, “I had a young man and a 10 year old, [both] on the spectrum, [who’s caretakers] wanted me as their personal trainer. Not only could I understand and communicate with their child, but [I could] also get them to move. So I started to think, what am I going to do for Bella?” She explains that in five or six years from now, the autism population will increase and the resources are already scarce. Within the next 5 years, Nikki would like to research and develop her next business surrounding people with special needs. She says, “I don’t know if it’s going to be a gym? Possibly a café? But I think it’s becoming a trend. A great trend. There’s a carwash that opened because a family needed to find a job for [their] son. They made a car wash where most of the employees are on the spectrum. There are coffee shops and bakeries popping up all over the country. I think it’s becoming a trend because the population is only getting bigger. Not only am I thinking of Bella’s future, but I’m thinking of this growing population.” She adds, “I have friends that are great resources, so I think we have the pieces. My deadline [to get this done] is [Bella] graduating from high school. To have something for young adults and late teens. So five years from now, we’re going to have something awesome. We’re going to have something here in Loudoun County.”

With her sights set on changing the lives of an entire population in the future, Nikki is excited about the lives she’s already changed. She shares, “It’s still weird when someone messages me. You never know how much you‘ve impacted somebody until they share their total personal story.” The people in her classes, yes they are her friends and they’ve all become close, but beforehand nobody knew each other. Says Nikki, “[Even though] we only know each other for that hour, it’s people going through life, struggles, postpartum depression, people going through parents being sick and [having] a total flip of their lifestyle… with this outlet we’ve in a way become therapy.” But she’s seen the transformations first hand. She says, “I see old pictures from four or five years ago of people [compared to now] and I’m like, ‘whoa, they’ve totally changed!’ And it just catapulted to other things. It’s not just the 20 lbs off, but they’re just happier people.”

Her parting words? Says Nikki, “I think, knowing the different ages, and different sizes, men, women… that I’ve come in contact with the last 10 years of being a fitness instructor, it’s never too late for, and I don’t want to say change, but evolution. It’s almost like you have to be selfish and just go and do it. No matter what it is. If it’s going to a class, or walking, or drinking more water.” She goes on, “When I have clients, and they want to just cut everything and go for a run, [I might have to remind them], that’s not your way of life.” Her advice? Try something for two weeks and just accomplish that. For example, drink more water for two weeks. Then the next two weeks add something else. She explains, “I think it’s these little steps [that breeds success]. Nothing got you to this point that was so dramatic like five things you did in one day. You have to be realistic and happy. Know the journey [can start] at any point.” Make yourselves a priority.

Follow Full Out Fitness on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/FullOutSweat/

Full Out Fitness locations and class schedule:

Monday / Tuesday / Thursday Evenings & Sunday mornings: 21680 Ridgetop Circle, Suite 100, Sterling, VA

Every other Saturday morning:  East Coast Edge Performing Arts – 44190 Waxpool Rd, Ashburn, VA

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As an aside, Nikki’s daughter Bella, has already started a little home business of her own called One Small Piece where she makes scarves and jewelry. This venture, more or less, has been paying for her therapeutic horseback riding lessons. Says Nikki, “I had to think. What could she do with her hands that I’m assisting her with, but she’s actually making and really enjoying? So she has her own little small business with her wares hopefully offered at local boutique soon.”  Stayed tuned!

I have a really great relationship with my sister inlaw, Dara. (You might remember her from my blog post “OCD or Awesome Life Hack?” dated 9/28/17.) She’s been incredibly supportive of me and my blog. It was Dara who suggested that I get to know a coworker of hers, Trey Johnston. She mentioned that he made and sold his own brand of salsa and chips. So, just in time for your 2018 Super Bowl Party, get ready to add Texas Trey’s Barnburner salsa, chips and avocado dips to your party buffet.

Trey has been producing for his  fresh gourmet products company, Texas Trey’s since 2012, but prior, describes his life as that of an adventurous new family experiencing life in Virginia. Originally from Longview, Texas, Trey would tend a vegetable garden and continued that work even after relocating to Virginia. From the fresh produce of his garden, Trey would concoct a salsa for his family and friends. These recipients of his salsa goodness were the very ones who suggested that Trey should market and sell his salsa.

His Barnburner Salsa is made locally in Boyce, Virginia. Trey and his family pride themselves on using the finest produce sourced from local farmers, to create the best possible products and they are thrilled to officially be picked up as a vendor for Wegmans in Leesburg, VA.  (Look for the products in March 2018.) And let’s talk about their Chips! Says Johnston, “Our chips are the driving force in our business and lead on all sales fronts. Our chips are not like any you find on the grocery store shelves. We have two types of chips, Salsa Shovels and Dip Diggers. Salsa Shovels are a hardy crunchy tortilla chip, deep fried in pure peanut oil. Our Dip Diggers are an all natural light and crispy tortilla chip with a great corn flavor and buttery finish.”   (Ok, you sealed my love at “buttery finish”.)

As a young man, Trey led a rather unconventional life. Says Johnston, “I’m naturally inspired to accomplish big things. When I was younger I pursued a boxing career to become the greatest heavyweight ever. I sold most everything at the age of 22 and moved to Las Vegas to become a fighter. I never went anywhere with it, but trained with referee Joe Cortez, Joe George, Doc Broadus, and watched Mike Tyson and Floyd Mayweather train on a weekly basis.” In 2008, Trey shifted gears, packed his bags and began volunteering in an orphanage in the jungles of Rio Dulce, Guatemala. He also became a Search and Rescue scuba diver in Honduras on the Island of Útila.

Says Trey, “I think I have my grandfather’s (mother’s side) mind and passion for success. He invented glass break detectors in the 80’s and built Caddx Controls Inc until GE bought it. My great-grandfather on my dad’s side invented the Johnston Drilling Tool which was bought by Schlumberger in 1956.  You could say inventiveness and ingenuity are in my blood.” His current passion is providing great food for people, something different and unique.

Ultimately, Johnston would like to grow his business into a national brand and have someone, or a group of investors, offer to buy them out. That plan would contribute to his achievement of his long-term goal which he describes is to, “Retire happy, raise my kids right, and make sure I cherish all the moments with those I love.” Until then, he is quite proud that he is able to make a great living working in Information Technology with an excellent company despite not having a degree, but is even more proud of how he and his wife have been raising their children. Says Trey, “I try to make sure they learn accountability, responsibility, and have good character. Most importantly they understand I love them with all my heart.”

Although I think we can all agree that Trey is a dreamer in the best possible ways, he is very pragmatic. He says, “[I] anticipate a hard road ahead, ups and downs, but perseverance, some luck and some blessings will get me where I want to go.” His parting words, “Real people who work hard, are passionate, and have a good attitude, some luck and support, can succeed as long as they never give up.”

You can purchase Texas Trey’s products at:  Rich Rosendale’s Roots 657 Cafe and Local Market and every Saturday at One Loudoun’s open air Farmers Market in Ashburn, Va.

Follow Texas Trey’s on:  Facebook, Twitter @TexasTreys, and Instagram

 

Resolutions. Even the word sounds daunting and commanding. Or more like bossy, right? ResolUtion. See that big U in there? A coincidence? I think not. Which is why so many of us hate resolutions. You are the center of that resolution. You are the creator, you are the implementer, BUT you are also the beneficiary. There may be some residual or collateral goodness that befalls those in your circle, should you resolve to fulfill your resolution, but the primary benefit is to you and you alone.

Likewise, it is only you who suffers if your resolution is not fulfilled. And there in lies the rub. I think most are more forgiving to others who disappoint us. It’s easier. We’re almost used to it. We can chalk up their wrong doings or thoughtlessness to their nature, or their upbringing, or their busy schedule. But when faced with disappointment from OURSELVES….how could we?

How could we let ourselves down…again? Don’t we know better? Weren’t we raised better? Don’t we CARE? Of course we do. Which is precisely why a lot of us, and when I say ‘us’ I mean me, don’t make New Year’s resolutions any more. I have a plethora of disappointments in my life from all sorts of places. Why on earth would I add myself to the list? I have failed at my resolutions my whole life, so I’M OUT!  And let’s face it, I can disappoint myself daily. Why do I need to make a declaration to the world of my impending new failure. It’s just silly.

But in all seriousness, goal setting is good. It’s an incredible habit and tool for all of us to incent ourselves to make changes. I think the problem with New Year’s resolutions is that they are too big. It’s just too big of a declaration. I’m going to lose 50 lbs in 2018! I’m going to start that business that I’ve always wanted to start in 2018!

Let’s take 01/01/year? – 12/31/year? off the table. Don’t pressure yourself to start moving toward your goals on January 1 in the mad dash to get it all put to bed by December 31. It’s just too much. Here’s a crazy idea. You can start working toward your goal on March 8. And you know what’s even crazier about starting a goal on March 8, 2018? It’s a THURSDAY!!! I KNOW!  (If you suffer from OCD, I suggest slow, controlled breaths in a paper bag.)

My point is, don’ t beat yourself up for not creating a New Year’s resolution. Don’t beat yourself up for finally realizing that you are not good at keeping your resolutions. The truth is, we can work toward our goals every single moment of every single day by the choices we make. Does eating this cookie get me closer to my ultimate goal? Does watching this tv show instead of cleaning out my closet get me closer? Does going shopping instead of spending 30 minutes researching get me closer? These are the choices I’m talking about. So I say, forget New Year’s resolutions. But I challenge you to look at your goals in terms of a lifetime and take a step in the right direction every chance you get. Even if it’s a Thursday.

About three and a half years ago I began the process of watching my father die. It’s a terrible thing that most of us will experience within our lifetime; watching someone that we love slowly slip away from who they are, who they were, and cease to be among us.

During that time, I discovered a jigsaw puzzle app on my iPad that would allow me to work on puzzles anywhere, anytime. I carried my iPad with me everywhere. I didn’t think much about it. What? This was just my Candy Crush. What I didn’t realize at the time was that I had picked up a compulsive desire to do jigsaw puzzles while I was watching and waiting for my dad to succumb to his frailty and move past this world.

I’m sure it sounds completely crazy (it did to me to), but those dumb, meaningless puzzles were anything but. Looking back, working those puzzles was so much more. For starters, it was a relatively harmless way for me to escape the reality that was choking me. I could sit for just a few minutes (or a lot longer sometimes) and leave fear, for those moments, and concentrate on solving the puzzle.

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I say relatively harmless because I wasn’t drowning myself in alcohol, or poisoning my body with any chemical form of escape. But, I was still mentally checking out, which was my form of self preservation. It caused me to withdraw for moments at a time from my reality, which included three children and a husband. Thankfully, they were all very patient with me while I headed in and out of their lives for the months that this horrible experience took.

Realizing that this had turned into a very silly addiction (which as we all know, no addiction is silly) I gave up the puzzles a few months after my father died; pretty much cold turkey. They were no longer needed. The fears had come to fruition and there was no longer a need to escape. I just stopped, but not before I learned a tremendous analogy about life through those dumb puzzles. These truths are so obvious now, but to see them revealed to me through a GAME!  It continues to astonish me.

Here’s what I learned.

When constructing a new puzzle, it is customary to begin with the flat edged pieces. The puzzle becomes easier to construct when the frame is in place because the framework allows you to identify “the right way” to use the subsequent pieces.  Life, as a puzzle and like a puzzle, becomes easier with a solid foundation or framework. The border of the puzzle is like those things in our lives that help us orient the rest of the pieces of our life. Family, friends, faith in God, faith in yourself, values; all of these things help define the edges of your life. They help you to be able to take the new pieces that are given to you and orient them so that they can fit within the borders of the structure of your life and who you are.

Thankfully, I have a pretty rock solid foundation or frame.  I thank my parents for that.  When faced with life choices, I measure each choice up against my framework.  Does it align with my core values?  Will it take me away from my family?  Will it help me grow or help me set an good example for my children?  My commitment to my foundation helps me, time and again, to make good, meaningful choices.

Another lesson I learned from my hours of working puzzles is that no matter how much you want to complete a section of the puzzle, you simply cannot until the correct pieces are revealed to you. Often times the pieces need to come in a specific order and at a specific time for the image to make sense.  I think life is like this. No matter how badly you want a part of your life to evolve, or change, or be revealed to you; sometimes it’s simply not time yet. The supporting pieces that you need are just not in place. That’s where patience and fortitude become necessary. The desire is not enough and virtues are tested, but the reward when all of the pieces come together in the right time and the right sequence are effortless and divine.

An example from my own life to illustrate this was my desire to have a baby.  In society’s eyes, I married late at the age of 32.  (And believe me when I tell you that my virtues were tested while I waited for my prince to come.  But that’s a whole ‘nother story.)  Our initial attempts at parenthood ended in hurtful failures.  We suffered two back to back miscarriages that were devastating.  But these ugly puzzle pieces served as GREAT perspective shapers and I needed them first to lay the groundwork for what was ahead.

Had I not miscarried those two babies, I would never have discovered that I have a genetic blood disorder that not only make me at risk for strokes, but also crippled my chances of sustaining a pregnancy without intervention.  And because of this discovery, or new piece of my puzzle, when I finally got pregnant with our oldest, I was being followed by a high risk Obstetrician who was able to detect, at 18 weeks gestation, that our son’s heart was not developing as it should.

Those ugly puzzle pieces saved our boy’s life in many ways.  One, we were prepared for his birth and had medical care lined up to start minute one.  AND, maybe even more importantly, my husband and I were so sad after losing the first two, that by God, we were going to give this little guy a chance…every chance.

 

Which nicely leads to the final life lesson that I learned working the puzzles.  The ugly pieces are just as important as the beautiful ones to complete the final image.  As illustrated in my story above, not every piece is colorful and spectacular, but those that are not are still integral to the composition of the completed picture. The dark, seemingly blank pieces help to highlight and frame the star of the show.  As in life, the dark times and missteps help to define the whole picture of our lives. They give depth to the beauty of our character.  They provide perspective which translates to compassion. They are necessary as connectors between events in our lives to illustrate and support growth. And they provide the needed contrast to the beautiful times and triumphs that allows us to feel those moments more deeply.

These lessons have stuck with me through the years. Although I miss my father terribly, I do not miss the puzzles. I am grateful for the escape that they provided when I needed it, but more over, the time to open my mind to get a clearer insight on the puzzle of constructing my life.

1 Pic from www.myfaithmag.com

For as long as I can remember, the time between Christmas Day and the day that the kids go back to school is a very blue time for me. I’ve spent years trying to stop this from happening, but try as I might, I find myself in Funky Town once again (and not the town with cool afros, bell-bottomed pants and bitchin’ music). Don’t worry, I’m going to keep digging in and fighting the good fight to push my way past this, but perhaps you’ll indulge me and take a walk though this with me. Maybe together, I can make some sense of it all. And maybe, I’m not the only one.

It used to be that I was actually terrified of the New Year. A really struggled with massive anxiety each year as the calendar poised on change. I would desperately try to hold on to the current year because within that year, all of my family and friends were safe and whole and with me. The New Year always felt like a big black hole of scary. But as my logical brain knows, trying to hold on to time is impossible. I’d have an easier time trying to stop sugar from melting in a handful of water.

It took some major back-to-back losses in our family for me to lose my true fear of the New Year. I’m no longer terrified. Just funky. Through those losses I learned that nothing is worse than losing a loved one, so the turn of the page of the calendar, or the closing out of a year is nothing.

And yet here I am again, feeling the post holiday blues. I think a contributing factor is that I liken the debris and mess that comes after all of the gifts are unwrapped to that of black snow. You know that cruddy black snow the day after a beautiful snowfall? Yeah, that. The beauty and the sparkle is gone. We’re left with shreds of wrapping paper, crushed up boxes, and big black trash bags holding all of the previous loveliness that was so carefully chosen, wrapped, displayed and presented. All reduced to black trash bags and piles of new stuff that no one knows where to put. Ugh.

I also find the thought of New Year resolutions daunting. I have failed for years at keeping them, so I don’t make them anymore, which fills me with guilt. Setting goals is good, I get it. But the pressure to resolve to commit to something right now…. How on earth can I choose? There are so many things that need fixing. How can I pick just one? And I certainly cannot handle more than one. Help!

Sometimes I think that these feelings stem from the simple fact that Christmas is over. For months I have spent every extra moment thinking and planning for others. What gift will I buy for my husband? How soon do I get the presents for out of town family into the mail? What special dessert will I make for my inlaws on Christmas Eve? Did we pull enough ornaments off the giving tree at church? What special activities can I squeeze in with my kids to really make some awesome Christmas memories? Literally every free moment from Halloween until Christmas Day revolves around thinking and planning for others. And isn’t that what we’ve been put on this earth to do? It brings me joy to do this, but it’s also exhausting. So now what?

I envy those who get super jazzed about the prospect of a clean slate with the New Year. I wish I could see it that way. In truth, that’s how I look at a new school year.   A fresh start full of possibilities and excitement. But the crushing fall schedule has sufficiently killed off all of those feelings. The New Year just feels like free falling and I’m afraid of heights. But off I go, whether I like it or not, into the unknown with nothing but my parachute of internal joy and gratitude. 2017 was an amazing year of good changes and growth. I pray that 2018 offers all of us opportunities beyond our wildest dreams. But for now, I’m just going to do… tomorrow.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Several months ago, my husband attended a work social at a local whisky distillery. My better half gets to do a lot of really cool stuff with the company that he works for, so I’ve learned, over the years, to tune it out. A girl can only take so many Cinderella moments, so his mention of another fun outing had become white noise to me. But Chris was so impressed with this place that the next chance he got, he booked us seats (along with four friends) to one of Catoctin Creek Distillery’s whisky and food pairing dinners.

Boy was I glad that he did. For the obvious of not having to cook and do dishes for a night, but, in all seriousness, we had so much fun and were treated with delicious food and the most outstanding cocktails that I have experienced in my not-so-young life. I was so smitten with the degree of complexity and the thoughtfulness that went behind each cocktail that accompanied each course, that I made sure to speak to the very talented mixologist and bar manager, Denise Petty.

And if I’m really being honest, our initial meeting was one of my, if not THE most, embarrassing moments. (At least one of my least graceful.) Denise had just served the second cocktail of the evening, and as she rounded the table, I took a sip and blabbed out, and I quote…myself, “Wow, now that takes me back to my childhood.” To which she replied, “That just might be the best compliment I’ve ever gotten.” (Insert oh-crap-did-I-say-that-outloud face here.)

So to spare my poor mother from a child endangerment suit (even though I’m now in my 40’s), “back then” (as my kids would call the era of my childhood), my mother used to make a mixture of whisky, honey, and lemon and would give it to my siblings and me if we were suffering from a cough. Subsequently, my siblings and I have all grown into whisky lovers. (Thanks Mom!) So that was my initial meeting with the amazing talent that works behind the bar at Catoctin Creek Distillery and I couldn’t be more excited to introduce you to her.

Denise is the tasting room manager at Catoctin Creek Distillery in Purcellville, VA. The distillery was founded by Scott and Becky Harris in 2009 and is the first legal distillery in Loudoun County since before Prohibition. They are the proud producers of Roundstone Rye, which is Virginia’s most awarded whisky. Denise has been working at Catoctin Creek since last summer. Says Denise, “I got the opportunity to meet [the owners] at a collaborative cocktail dinner while I was working with Magnolias at the Mill.

Denise is in charge of everything that happens in their tasting room with regards to the monthly cocktails offered and she spearheads the cocktails that the distillery provides for their special private dinners, whether the events are held at the distillery or off sight. She also manages all of the Catoctin Creek merchandise and is charged with finding local vendors for the variety of hot sauces, teas, and products such as candles and soaps that they offer for sale.

The Catoctin Creek Distillery Tasting Room offers four flights to sample. Three flights consist of their spirits served neat and then a cocktail flight is offered. There are four cocktails on the menu and Denise changes them monthly. Some are classics, and some are a classic with a twist. For example, says Petty, “We’ve got a gin and tonic on right now, but as opposed to just our gin and tonic water, we’ve got a local tonic syrup to bring in a little bit more depth to the cocktail.” (With one beverage, they offer a delicious experience, as well promoting another *local business!) She shares, “Folks will come in to the tasting room and say, ‘well I really don’t like gin’. Don’t be afraid. Just come in, try something new, step outside of your box and you could really surprise yourself.” (She’s right! I don’t like gin and I LOVED the gin cocktail that she made for me. I was just going to taste it, and man I finished that whole darn thing. LOL)

Because I lack the skill and creativity to develop specialty cocktails, I’m completely fascinated by Denise’s cocktail mixing acumen. Says Denise, “I feel like the majority of the time I’m trying to come up with cool cocktails, I’m just honestly juicing. I believe in that really fresh and hands on aspect of it all.” She also likes to use seasonal ingredients and uses a lot of local mixers. She adds, “Just a shout out to True Syrups [& Garnishes] and Element Shrub, you know I love using their products and they’re just a hop skip and a jump away.”

Both food and mixing are hobbies for Petty. She explains, “I’ve had my hands in the mixing aspect for about eight years now. I’ve been everywhere from dive bars, to much more fancy locations, and places in between.” Her boyfriend is also a bartender and so she finds that their home is their biggest laboratory. She enjoys the whole spirit aspect, as well as food, but to pair them both together, (sigh) that’s where the artistry comes in. Since she dabbles with food as well, she has a serious understanding of how flavors compliment one another. Denise adds, “Within the past five years I’ve really developed more of a palate for the finer things in cuisine. Finding those very small hints of acid or those small hints of heat and then portraying that in the cocktail to give it some likeness.” Brilliant!

Denise clearly has a sophisticated palate that allows her to combine flavors as she does so elegantly. Not a huge fan of the sweet side of the cocktails, Denise tends to focus her concoctions a little more on the bitter side of the spectrum. She shares, “I think that just brings in such a different taste that people aren’t necessarily used to.” Denise’s cocktail recipes are available on the Catoctin Creek Distillery website. When speaking of the night that I attended, Denise said, “For that dinner, a curve ball for me that was I had been given the menu but I really didn’t have the opportunity to see or taste any of the food, or really understand how [any given] component was actually going to be served.  It was all kind of a surprise.” I can say with my whole heart, it worked, and in the best possible way. That’s why I’m sharing her exceptional talent with you!

Denise has gotten one of her cocktails featured on Magnolia at the Mill’s cocktail list, which she is very proud of. But she is equally proud of the cocktail dinner that I attended in August. A huge weight was lifted off of her shoulders after the evening was such a success. She shares, “That was the first full dinner that I had to provide cocktails from the beginning until the end, especially not knowing that menu. When everyone enjoyed themselves and especially when you contacted me back, and told me how much you enjoyed it. Yes, that was an exceptionally proud moment.” Denise went on to express her gratitude for all of the great chefs that she has worked with and those who have let her “annoy” them. She says, “I’d ask them so many questions during service. There’s a lot to food that most people don’t necessarily understand and there are a lot of great techniques that people put into their food, I just try to pull out the best of what the chef is going to offer.”

Where does all of this inspiration come from? Denise is inspired by the area in which she lives and works.  She says, “It’s really hard to lack any inspiration here in Northern Virginia, especially right here in Purcellville. We are surrounded by amazing people going out on a limb and putting their life savings [into] starting a distillery, or starting a brewery, or a restaurant. There’s just a lot of ambition in this area and so many people that care about the products that they are producing. Whether it be farming or whether it be making whisky. The care that each person in this area provides, and how everyone is all about being local here and being their own artisan. Not necessarily having to buy all of their stuff from corporate companies, but more so mom and pops. It’s really hard to lack in any creativity in this area just because I’m surrounded by so much greatness.” She goes on, “I mean, look at, for example, the people that I currently work for. Scott and Becky [Harris] just one day decided this was what [they were] going to do. [They were] not going to sit behind a desk any more. [They were] going to make big things for [themselves]. So it’s really hard for me to try and stay small in this area.”

Denise is proud to be part of Catoctin Creek. She shares, “I’m not really looking for myself as much as I was. Now I’m in a comfortable position that I can call home and know that I have a solid place to stay and be creative and experimental. I just keep going back to the fact that I’m so fortunate that the Harrises have let me take over this room and they’ve given me pretty full rein on whatever it is that I’d like to throw out to the world. That’s fun for me.” Personally, she’s just really happy. Before starting at Catoctin Creek Distillery, Denise and her boyfriend were contemplating a move to Florida. She shares, “We were just looking for something different. We were looking for something a little bit bigger than what we were at the time, but this opportunity has allowed me to realize how big I actually really am.”

Denise declares Catoctin Creek to be her home. She feels quite fortunate that she was picked up to be their tasting room manager. She shares, “I do feel like this is going to be home for quite a bit of time. I see so much potential in myself and especially in this distillery. I just see us expanding here and I see myself flourishing.” Before working at the distillery, she describes feeling like she had hit the glass ceiling where she couldn’t get any bigger than she was where she was. She feels very fortunate for the opportunity that she has been given; an opportunity that she feels affords her potential for personal and professional growth.

Eventually, Denise would love to open her own restaurant or cocktail bar. She says, “You know, I’ve just immersed myself in the restaurant and hospitality industry and I’m stuck in it. I love it. Food and spirits really drive me, so one day, I would love to have a little food truck, or potentially a nice rooftop bar. Somewhere my creativity can keep on growing. [A place] where I won’t have a lot of limitations and I can really put my whole vision and provide a home for other folks who want to grow and want to open up their creativity for Loudoun County.” (I would love to go to that rooftop bar. Just sayin’.)

Denise encourages everyone to be brave and try something new. She explains, “When I first started here in the tasting room, I thought I was a little too small and I didn’t know what I was really doing. But I just immersed myself in here and I owned it. I can do it.” She adds, “And for anyone who’s got a dream to start their business or start some creative project that they would like to put out in the world, just do it. Don’t be afraid.” She goes on, “I try not to be scared. I just try to put my whole heart into it and as long as I feel good that I tried, I know that I did well. So for everyone out there who’s afraid to try something new or afraid to think that they’re going to fail, just go on and do it. You’re being your biggest enemy. Just go out there and be confident.”

*True Syrups & Garnishes of Washington, DC

Element [Shrub] of Arlington, VA

Please be sure to visit Catoctin Creek Distillery in Purcellville, VA and to follow them on Facebook and Instagram

I recently published my story of how Joy follows me, so in the season of Comfort and Joy, I feel it only fair to give Comfort it’s due. I, myself, am a huge fan of comfort. I’m all the way into warm sweaters, soft blankets, cozy sock, hot drinks, and comforting food. But when I stop to think about that, I’m not sure there are many on this planet who are not fans of comfort.

Comfort can come in many forms: physical comfort, mental comfort and spiritual comfort. The easiest of these to recognize and often to fill are physical comforts. In many parts of the world at this time of year, physical comfort can be challenged just by the weather. It’s time to bundle up and stuff our layered selves into coats and boots and hats and gloves, all in the attempt to stay comfortable. For me, this is a serious challenge. For one thing, I’m not comfortable stuffed like a sausage into a million layers. And another, I’m convinced that my inner core is primarily lava or fire that needs to be stoked often, especially once the outside temperatures begin to plummet. If I don’t keep my internal temp fueled, it becomes extremely difficult for me to get and stay warm and therefore, I become UNcomfortable. (No kidding. I sometimes have to sleep in a hoodie. I’m talking with hood on!)

Physical comforts can come from squishy socks, soft flannel jammies, and cuddly blankets. A nice atmospheric fire can contribute to your comfort level as can a bowl of mac and cheese! (Or coffee or hot chocolate in my case). There are books written about comfort foods that give us temporary comfort from a bad day, or bring memories flooding back of more comfortable times around your Mother’s kitchen table. In any case, thousands of industries thrive on our desire to find physical comfort. And I’m 100% in favor of all forms of cozy/physical comfort.

But comfort can be a mental game as well. Have you ever had the thought, “I won’t be comfortable until I know….x,y,z”? We seek mental comfort from reassurance and information. The right information can set your mind at such ease, that you no longer even care about your physical comfort. I can tell you that I would not care one bit if I was freezing to death, if my mind was worried or occupied by something stronger like the welfare of a loved one. It simply wouldn’t matter. So in this instance we can see that physical comfort is not the be all, end all. Is it then mental comfort? I don’t think so.

There is something that I’ve come to possess in just the last few years for myself, and that is spiritual comfort. Now this is still very much a work in progress for me, but even the slightest effort in seeking that type of comfort in my life has changed me forever. I actively seek out this type of comfort and some days the search is harder than others. There is nothing that I want more for myself than to be spiritually comfortable because beyond that, the rest in the hierarchy is so small. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs chart has been telling us this since he published his paper, “The Theory of Human Motivation” in 1943. Spiritual health, or comfort (for the purposes of this article), is the most important focus that we can attend to for ourselves and, stay with me now, for each other. Boiled down, if your head and your heart are not right for you, your head and heart cannot be right for anyone else.

I’ve been trying to reverse engineer all of the recent cultural unrest in our country and what it boils down to is self respect. If we do not have self respect, if we do not have our head and heart focused on what is down right good for our souls, we cannot provide the respect that the person sitting next to us deserves. Everybody knows that you can have all of the physical comforts known to man, but true comfort, true peace comes from deeper than any 6 bedroom house, or cozy sweater, or cup of hot coffee (although cashmere socks are close. Just sayin’.)

So in this season of Comfort and Joy, do yourself a favor (and the rest of humanity) and find ways to improve your spiritual comfort level. Don’t let outside nay sayers have any impact. Stay firm on your path to calm the internal storms that churn up your life. If you feel yourself drifting, do what you have to do to regain your direction. Turn off the holiday music if you have to. Read something uplifting. Or just sit quietly and let yourself start understanding how to untie the knots of your life that keep you uncomfortable. There’s safety in numbers, so stay close to those in your life who make you feel better about yourself and happier about your situation and give you the encouragement (or the shovel) to dig a little deeper into your spiritual comfort.

I hope this holiday season that you find all of the beautiful physical comforts that bring you even a smidge of joy. I hope that you have a peaceful Christmas, Hanukkah, or any other holiday you may celebrate. I hope that over the holidays, you truly get to enjoy a mental break and get to take a breath. And I pray that you find all of the Comfort and Joy, in all aspects of your life, during this season and beyond.

Back in the summer, when I was interviewing my friend and Guest Krystal Culpepper of Sweet Pea Studios (See Jennifer the Beholder post dated September 21, 2017), Krystal said to me, “Oh, you have to interview Kate Davis from Olive and Ford.” I did a little research on Kate and her interior design business and I concurred. I needed to interview Kate Davis from Olive and Ford! These two very talented ladies are friends. I find their friendship endearing. It’s a beautiful thing to hear them speak of each other and promote each other’s talent. So that is how I was introduced to Olive and Ford. It is especially exciting to me when I leave one interview with a contact for another. The Jennifer the Beholder Guest network is working!

Kate Davis is a completely self taught interior designer. (Not unlike one very popular lady in one Waco, TX.) Kate has loved design for a very long time. She says, “When I look back, I think I’ve been fairly consistent [with my personal style] all along. But when [my design business] really came about was [when] my husband and I built our first house, from the ground up. We had trades come in and do the foundation, do the framing, but otherwise my husband and I were in there every day actually building. I hung windows!” She explains that initially when you’re building a house you think of all the pretty things like flooring and paint colors, but then the non-sexy details enter in like what kind of switches do you want, what kind of trim do you want on the windows and the like. Things most do not normally consider. (Nor do we really want to.  Am I right?) Making decisions on these types of finishes can be very overwhelming. Kate adds, “When it’s more than just picking a floor [for example], it can be a lot. You know, where do you want your switch on the wall? Or [do you want] a door or a window [in your garage] so it won’t be so dark?” (Most just want it to look pretty when it’s all done and don’t really care how it gets that way.) Says Davis, “[Our house] was my first in-the-trenches experience with [design]. And I loved it. It was amazing.”

Kate’s entrance into interior design was definitely a very gradual process. At the inception of Olive and Ford, she was a stay-at-home-mom. But prior to building her house, Kate was a court reporter and background investigator. (Totally different, right?) But once her second child was born, she stayed at home. She explains, “[Interior design] was definitely not something I ever would have thought would be my career path. I never would have thought that it was …not a possibility, [more] an option maybe? You’re thinking you’re going to be a doctor or a lawyer, right? The traditional things. So it just evolved organically, which is my favorite way for things to happen. It just popped up and I went with it. And it just keeps rolling into something bigger and bigger.“

In the beginning of Olive and Ford, Kate was doing projects for friends. Finally her husband said to her that she had to stop because it was taking so much of her time. He said, “You can’t just give this away to people because you’ve got a [family]. You need to go grocery shopping. We need to feed our children at some point. You can’t forget to do the laundry.” Kate explains, “Not that he was telling me what to do, but I was spending so much of my time doing [design projects], I was neglecting all of these chores that I normally have for myself.” Her husband suggested that she start charging for her work. Initially, Kate was not comfortable with the idea. But her good friend Krystal (Sweet Pea Studios) suggested setting up a Facebook page which became the launching point of Olive and Ford. Kate created the Facebook page, but didn’t publish it. Krystal encouraged her to “just hit the button”. Just hit the button. Of course, Kate insisted, “No, no, I don’t want to hit the button.” Kate continues, “I was working on [the Facebook page] and I hit publish by mistake.” She described her blood draining from her face. Total Panic Mode. Thankfully Krystal encouraged her to just leave it and reassured her that nothing was going to happen.   She left it and that was how Olive and Ford was born.

Kate’s offered services run the gamut. Whether a client needs a quick design online, needs recommendations for accessories, or needs an entire floor of their home renovated, she’s done it all. She even offers color consultations, furniture placement and space planning.  Says Davis, “My taste often exceeds my budget, so I found the perfect formula to get high style from thrift stores and big box stores.  A monochromatic color scheme, clean lines, statement lighting, and a touch of nature.  Those four elements unfailingly combine into a comfortable elegant, simple, livable home.” (Sign me up!)

Kate confesses that she’s currently in a little bit of a transition. When she first started designing, her focus was truly on the house that she and her husband built. People loved the colors that she chose and would ask for advice in their own homes. Because she doesn’t like to spend a lot of money on furnishings, Kate started getting her hands on second hand pieces or inexpensive items from stores like Target, for example. She would strip, sand, and paint them to change them to look like higher end pieces.   These newly refurbished furnishings got attention, so Kate began selling them. Her business continued to evolve to where she began consulting with real estate investors on houses that they were interested in flipping. She naturally moved into color consultations and creating e-designs for clients. But Kate explains, “I’m at a point now where I may refocus my energy on my own real estate investments where I’m putting my mark on properties.” When asked if this was a short term or long term plan, she readily answered, “Yes!” She shares, “You know, I’m kind of rolling with it. That’s kind of where I see things going. I love working with clients. I love working with people, but that may be where my passion is.”

In our current age of YouTube and HGTV stardom sweeping our culture, Kate interestingly shares that possibility does not interest her.   She says, “If someone were to….not that this would happen, but if they came to me and said you get a TV show today, I can’t say that would be something that I would do. I don’t know. Maybe I’ve just got more work to do or something. Do you know what I mean? I’m just saying that I’m happy.” The truth of Olive and Ford is that it was never a dream of Kate’s. Infact it’s the organic way that the business was born that appeals to Kate the most.

Kate shares, “I feel like we’re hard on ourselves, especially as moms, to have everything together. I wish that there was a way to make that messiness super pretty. I think we all have messy moments and we just [shove] things aside and it’s pretty for a second and that’s what you see on Instagram. God love Instagram. Everything is so pretty and you can scroll through and it’s all pretty, but let me tell you, behind the scenes…. I can say across the board, with all Instagrammers’ beautiful pictures, there’s a bunch of crap behind the camera. We go like this (mimes shoving) and it’s all outside the frame of the picture.” She finds that to be the biggest difference between how the business of interior design appears versus how it actually is. People think everything is picture perfect always and the reality is that Kate and her family are just like everybody else. (Everybody else who incidentally has 45K Instagram followers!!!!)

Kate adds, “My house is not always staged. People are always asking about my white sofas. How do I keep them so white? Well guess what, they’re not always so perfectly white. I’ve got a black dog, I’ve got a white sofa, people freak out! It’s not always perfect. I vacuum it and when it gets a little dirtier than I want, I rip it off and put it in the washer and I put it back on.” I told Kate that whenever someone comes to my home, I always apologize first and say, I’m sorry about the mess, but we actually live here. Her response? “Stop!” She concurred that she found herself apologizing too. But she goes on, “I’ve decided I’m going to stop apologizing. Because the truth of the matter is that you do live there. And frankly, I know for myself when I go to someone’s house and I know that they haven’t run around to pick things up, it’s more welcoming because it’s more real.” (You heard it here! Woohoo!) Kate wishes people were easier on themselves. (I agree. I have some friends who I swear live in their basement because their first floor is like a model home. It’s unbelievable.) Kate recognizes the level of stress that accompanies that perfection and she is not interested in that type of lifestyle for herself. “Otherwise,” she admits, “[Designing is] just as fun as you would imagine.” (I’m so happy to hear that!) Kate enjoys learning about people and what people like, and trying to find things that make them happy. (How much better does it get? I’m a little jel. LOL.)

Kate is naturally kind of reserved and introverted, so she is quite proud that she’s even pursuing design in the first place. Beyond that, she’s learned a lot. She shares, “Sometimes when I hear myself talking I think, how do I know that? But I know it. I’ve learned it. That’s really exciting.” In addition to her comfort zone stretch, Kate had a feature in Country Living Magazine. (O..M..GEEE!!! It’s one of my favorite magazines and I’m not even a country girl!) She humbly refers to the feature as a “really fun moment”.   (Again, O..M..GEEE! My head just exploded.) But equally important to her is the working relationships that she has developed with some really great companies. Kate says, “I never thought that they would even know who I am.” She’s worked with companies such as Rugs USA, Bemz, Casper, Boll and Branch and Lumber Liquidators, to name a few. Kate shares, “It’s been really fun, getting to know the people behind the companies.” In the beginning, it was Kate reaching out to them, but as time has gone on, the companies have begun to reach out to her. (Sweet!)

As with most “artists”, everything inspires Kate. Colors from nature, looking at magazines, shopping in stores….it comes from everywhere.  She explains, “I want to know how [a client] wants a space to feel. That’s a big deal. I think everyone deserves to have a home that is whatever they need it to be. A refuge at the end of the day, a place to get them pumped up, whatever it is. So if I’m working with a client, it’s going to have to be their emotion about the space [that’s the driver]. But I get inspiration from everything.” She adds, “I think it’s all about energy. [Each designed space has] a very individual kind of feeling and I think your home should reflect that. Everyone needs a place to recharge and whatever recharging is for me may be different than what recharging is for you. It is fun to follow trends and be trendy and current for the moment, but then also to be true to yourself.”

Admittedly, Kate feels that she’s in a little bit of a creative slump. She explains that she, like the rest of us, are exposed to so much input from all kinds of places.  She noticed that she was forgetting her own design aesthetic.  She shares “Energy, right now to me, its really interesting. I’m realizing how important it is to create a space that supports the person, which is different from pretty. I don’t know how that’s going to evolve, but I think it’s so important. I think it’s something that maybe we forget.” She admits that it may be difficult to put a finger on but reiterates it’s importance. She’s now finding herself walking through her own house thinking, “I don’t like it.” She shares, “I was doing color and I need to go back. If I go back 20 years ago, or even further, I always had white curtains, white beds, white whatever. My colors: white, black, gray, neutral (like a tan). I need to go back.” She attributes her need for decor change to her need to change the energy of her home; how she wants to feel in her home. She also feels that people get hung up on buying things and thinks that everyone deserves a beautiful space. Not only the people that can spend tons of money on their houses. Everybody needs a beautiful space. She declares, “No matter who you are, or where you live, or how much your house is worth, or how much money you make. You get people to find ways [to make their home beautiful]. Is it paint on the wall? Is it arranging your furniture in a particular way? Frankly, I think it’s getting rid of a bunch of crap. I think we all have TOO MUCH STUFF. Way too much. It [creates] visual clutter and mental clutter and it exhausts us. That’s free! Just clean!” She wants people to know that no matter what, it isn’t just the people on Instagram, who are spending thousands of dollars on a pillow, that can actually have a pretty house.

Kate loves fancy houses where the dogs come in, and there’s paw prints on the floor but it’s beautiful anyway. Says Kate, “I want everyone to give themselves permission to live in their homes. Make it yours. [Don’t] apologize for it. [Don’t] ask permission. Do what feels good and what feels right for you. So whatever that may be, don’t apologize for your messy sinks. You live there. Make [your home] beautiful. Make it serve you. Your house should serve you.“

Be sure to Like and Follow Olive and Ford on the following social media sites:

Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/oliveandford/

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